Resources to Offset Stress in HOA and Other Situations

Sorry I have not posted a blog for awhile. If you follow my blogs, you might wonder what happened to me the past 4 months. There has been a silence. I haven’t blogged for a reason. I have been able to work, to help clients, to function, and to write, but the bulk of my writing has been chronicling my 90 year old mother’s downhill slide. She fell on January 1 this year and fractured her pelvis in two places. She was already wracked with degenerative osteoarthritis and in lots of pain. She had already lost a lot of mobility, but she was living in her own home alone and making the best of her days. She was always to me a living example of how to keep your chin up even when things were not going your way, how to keep your head held high, and how to use your gifts to help other people. Anyway, since she lived in the Midwest, where I was born and raised, it wasn’t easy going back to Iowa in the middle of winter. Watching someone you love suffer in pain is also not easy. During this time of traveling back and forth, and giving time to my mother, I heavily relied on my tool chest of resources to keep my own face to the sun. In this process, I was caught up in one of the things in life that is more important than HOA disputes,  namely, end-of-life of a loved one related stuff.


Watching someone you love suffer in pain is not easy. Your tolerance for thoughtless behavior is low. During this time, I utilized my tool chest of resources to keep my own face toward the sun. My sister has always been in the healing arts and her continual search of tools to help herself and her own clients feel better, has benefited me. I have done a lot of studying on my own.


Some of my tools include the extensive mediation training I had, using the skills to help myself and my clients.  Another fulfilling thing I have done is study The Passion Test and even taken the facilitator training. I have adopted various practices that help me to live in the present moment, writing essays and trying to get myself back there when straying mindlessly chewing on what happened before and what will come after.


I strongly believe in the quantum law of attraction and will be attending a workshop in June on this topic led by Dr. Joe Dispenza, author of “The Placebo Effect”. His book “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself” is amazing also. His theories from a scientific perspective on how to change your brain to in a way that will literally change the way your genes express is on my radar right now.


“The Secret” and “The Four Agreements” are two of my favorite books. I am an admirer of Byron Katie and engage her practices on a daily basis which started with her book “Loving What Is.”  Lynn Grabhorn’s book “Excuse Me, I Have a Life To Live!” has long been an inspiration. “The Great Courses” college course (accessible to anyone through the Great Courses offerings) on Mindfulness was mind blowing. These are tools I offer to my friends in need and I offer them to you now. Acupunture, massage, and meditation are practices I enjoy on a regular basis. These are resources that are easy to find on the internet. Google them for more information. Luckily I have never been exposed to or offered or dabbled in substance abuse when needing balance, I turn to education. That said, the Dispenza books illustrate how emotional addictions are just like the others. If our body and mind are conditioned to hurt or we rely on certain emotions to get through the day or feed our egos (like sadness, regret, resentment, anger, why me, bitterness and frustration) and that becomes a way of life, breaking the addition is not easy. It takes some real work.


In my research, communications and writings in the chronicles of this difficult “season”, one of the things that came up is this wonderfully simple phrase –


Life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it.


That is a perfect lead in to my May newsletter which will come out next Tuesday (about why amend documents). It’s on a topic I put on hold for a time because when asked, I thought it was a great question, but the answer needed some deep thought and I didn’t have the capacity for deep thinking about anything other than end-of-life related subjects and work that had to be done the last 4 months. You can sign up to get the E-newsletter and others that follow at I don’t write like any other lawyer. I mean, I write about legal concepts and nuts and bolts problems but I also focus on helpful balanced information and real life solutions. Often that requires inward reflection.


Anyway, there is a lightness to life now for me.  that I don’t wake up every morning wondering how my mother is doing. I know she is doing well. I have her here with me in the form of a wedding ring on my finger from her most recent marriage that signified a source of great happiness for her.


For this blog, I will also share my daily mantra, developed while dealing with things that came up in these difficult times people related, some whose egos led them to believe they were more important than anyone else, that everyone should look at them, cater to them.  My siblings and I got through this process almost seamlessly and that is a challenge, given that there are no Indians in our family, only chiefs. I hope this is not politically incorrect. It is the simplest illustration to describe several A type personalities at work.


This mantra came from dealing with people I encountered during this process who were not willing to listen to others, who were being unreasonable in their demands and treatment of others, who were challenging, because they were challenged. This may help you ….. or not. I turn to this mantra whenever someone does something insensitive, thoughtless, stupid, or crazy … and if I remember to walk through it being mindful, it helps:


Let people be people

Resentment is a bitter pill

It leaves a bad aftertaste

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